If you haven’t read my blog post, Animal Totems, please do. This post will then make more sense. Shortly after I posted Animal Totems, this happened…
As my husband and I were driving back to NJ from MA, I spotted several Red Tail Hawks as I often had during past trips. When we were about 45 minutes from home near the end of the NY Thruway a hawk, without warning, flew down in front of my car. I reacted as anyone would when an animal suddenly appears in front of your car. But between the speed at which I was driving, the swift appearance of the hawk and the number of cars on the road, there was nothing I could do. I hit the bird head on and out of the corner of my eye, spotted him tumbling off to my right and to the ground. There was no way he could have survived. I yelled out “No!” and burst into tears. I was so devastated. My heart felt so heavy – I had just killed my spirit animal! I cried for the 45 minutes home. A few minutes after I hit the hawk, my husband asked me why was I crying. After I responded with, “I just killed my special totem animal!”, he remained quiet allowing me to feel what I needed to feel, which included the sobbing and not saying anything. I needed to be with the horror of what had just happened as well as drive the car safely.
By the time we got home, unpacked the car and fed the dogs, I quickly settled into my normal routine. But the sight of that magnificent bird tumbling to the ground was still playing over and over again in my mind. Before going to bed and some how try to get to sleep, I decided to first write a post on a private FB page to my fellow elemental space clearers. I briefly said what happened and if anyone had any words of wisdom or advice for me. I knew they would understand, better than anyone, what I was going through. Plus it helped me to express what had happened so I could get to sleep.
The next morning I checked the FB page and so many had come to my rescue and continued to throughout the day. Many of the responses touched me deeply and everyone said I shouldn’t blame myself, which I wasn’t. I believe there are no accidents in life or death and needed to figure out why this had happened.
Here is one of the responses: So much wisdom here…if animal gives its life to you, as this hawk did, it is conveying its powers and abilities. The fact that this is your totem animal makes it even more special and powerful. Doing a ceremony for the hawk, thank it for its gift (even though you would not have chosen it to die) and thank it anyway. Spend some time in meditation and imagine yourself connecting with the spirit of that hawk, and ask it what you can do to honor its life force. Whatever you hear, maybe it says ‘eat ice cream’, and even if it does not seem sacred…do it anyway. Bless you…I know how hard this can be.
So I did just that. While out for my morning meditation walk, I decided to do the ceremony for the hawk right away since the new moon was that evening. The perfect time to give thanks for past events and a time for focusing on the new. So when I got back from my walk I took a hot bath with salt, got dressed in blue (for the sky), put on my beautiful Zuni bolo tie of an eagle, my Navajo bracelet that has a pair of wings wrapped around the turquoise stone and a ring (with wings & turquoise) given to me by a Navajo man when I was 8 yrs old that I still wear today. I put my shades of blue scarf on the patio table along with my feathered owl statue, a candle, a drawing of the hawk I had just made, and a power card from my Louise Hay deck. On the front it says “I rejoice in what I have, and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful”. The back says: “I open new doors to life.” I left the bird droppings on the table because it just felt right and I gathered a few sticks from the ground to represent the trees. I gave thanks to Hawk, the one I hit as well as all the others that have given me messages, to the new moon, transitions and the new beginnings that lie ahead, plus a few other words that just felt right to say. It was even warm enough outside (March) to be barefoot and feel the supportive ground beneath me.
I felt so much better and was ready to get back into the car and head down to Philadelphia for the gender ultrasound of my 2nd grandchild. Just 1 of many new beginning to celebrate.
Over the next few days more people commented on my post, all so supportive. I feel so blessed to have commonality with these wonderful people…it’s the best group on FB! Here is the last of the postings…“So very beautiful. I also believe that when any being chooses you to support their passing, it is a great honor. You provided this beautiful bird a “clearing” a “spirit space” in which to transmute. Thank you. So much love to you!”
There was another message from a group member that was particularly special on a different level. Val sent me a private message saying she had some hawk feathers that she would like to send me and needed my address. (It had come up in the post that I didn’t have any and feathers are often used in space clearings) I noticed that Val lived in Ontario and checked out where her town was. OMG! It turns out she lives less than two hours from Round Lake where my family has cottages. I’ve spent many summers at the lake with my mother and siblings as well as my grandmother, great-aunt, aunts, uncles, and cousins. And that’s not all…Val has been to Round Lake several times. I just LOVE synchronicity!
About a week later I received in the mail: 1 wild turkey, 1 raven and 3 hawk feathers from Val. Next time I go up to Round Lake (hopefully this August, but that depends on when my grand-daughter decides to arrive) the plan is for me to stop, meet and visit with Val. How wonderful is that!
As with any of my posts, only you can decide what message this true story has for you. Share if you’d like.
I know what it is for me.
P.S. My hawk sightings have increased since March. Many being up close and very personal. Each time I say…”sweet blessings to you my medicine friend”.